Or, for our grammatically-challenged American brethren, “What pants, dude?”
I know, pants go inside your trousers. Don’t even start me on how they call every single item of clothing worn on your torso a shirt.
The answer I most often give to myself before setting out for ride, be it leisurely or transportational, is almost always my Swrve jeans. Look at them here. I have the very sexual grey jeans and also some black jeans that don’t appear to be listed any more. That, or their picture of their ‘black/blue???’ jeans is way off. Taking into consideration their inability to decide whether THEIR OWN JEANS are black or blue and also their continuing employment of the worst photographer ever, let’s assume it’s those jeans I have. Here is an example of a photograph on their site –
A couple of tips, Swrve. First, do not wear black trainers with blue jeans. Secondly, do not think that putting your belt buckle to the side makes you look more ‘street’. Thirdly, DO NOT WEAR BLACK TRAINERS WITH BLUE JEANS. Also, when selecting jeans for your model, do try to get the leg length right. Your jeans look shit all bunched up at the bottom and around the knee. I will allow you to tuck a grey t-shirt into your jeans on this one occasion, because I realise that you want to show us the detailing there and we know you don’t tuck a t-shirt into your jeans without excellent justification, but you really need sort your act out.
Fortunately for Swrve, I encountered these jeans in physical form in a shop in Boston about a year ago. They are most definitely amazing, and worth every penny. I pretty much live in them, and not because the higher waist line at the back or the reflective strip (which fades in the wash quite quickly). Mostly, I wear them for the smooth crotch area. I ride on a Brooks B17 Narrow and my saddle is now almost a perfect imprint of my posterior. I can definitely feel the seams in the crotch of my jeans, and Swrve jeans have nothing there. As an added benefit, they also give the jeans enough lateral freedom to allow me to kick somebody in the face even with quite a tight fit. That’s probably of less concern for you unless you also spent most of your youth training in Tae Kwon Do, but it’s nice to know that if you suddenly gained super powers you wouldn’t need to splash out on a new wardrobe immediately. They also claim to easily fit a small D-lock into the back pocket, but that is basically a bullshit feature. You could easily fit a small D-lock in the back pocket, but a thief could also easily break through a small D-lock, so why would you bother? Unless your ride is a cheap insurance waiting game that you’re hoping to have nicked I guess. I’m not interested in any combination of locks that doesn’t weigh more than my whole bike.
I really love the jeans and am definitely going to get their shirt soon, despite their best efforts to persuade me otherwise with photography like this –
Which leads me nicely to this.
There are no pictures, but Bike Snob NYC was sent them and was kind enough to post a picture –
I’ll be honest, they don’t look that great in this picture, but then as Swrve has so magnificently shown us, photography can often end terribly if you give the camera to a small child and ask them to take pictures of miserable people.
I’m semi-excited about these, but what I don’t understand is, if they’re going to copy the Swrve jeans so blatantly, why did they miss out the greatest thing they do, the crotch seam changes?
If people actually read this blog I guess I could persuade Levi’s to send me them so that I could mildly ridicule them for free, but as it stands I’ll have to wait till they come out before I can try them.